I'd rather die first

I tiptoe around your presence like

If memories could serve me flashback on dinner plates

I'd be having a

'How close should I get before you pull away' with a dash of pretense

I'm used to do this

Placing myself at a distance so goodbyes don't sting as much

They sting as fuck

I've been here before

And my trauma never leaves me alone

It shows up in every conversation

If you'd just listen close

Listen...

I look at the way you love

So effortlessly

Like the world never stabbed you in the back

Like you never cried for friendships sake

Did you know I want to hug you?

Tell you that your friendship means everything to me

But if memories could serve me flashbacks as snacks

I'd having a

'How close should I get before she chokes on our friendship'

If I did tell you that I need you

How long before you slam my fingers on the door you would eventually shut?

How wide should I open up before you decide I'm toxic enough?

It hurts when we both watch the flames die

It hurts because my arms would ache from fanning them alone

Trying to keep the memory of us alive

Which never works out by the way

I end up with scars I can't tame

And you, you walk out unscathed

With nothing more than distant memories of good times

I heard friendships die out

...

I'd rather die first.